Rejoice. Rejoice. Light those fireworks. We’ve done it! We’ve managed to take back the title of the world hot dog eating contest. Woo-hoo! From CNN:
“Not since Joe Frazier defeated Muhammed Ali in the 1971 bout coined the “Fight of the Century” have two contestants battled so hard. Perhaps.”
Yes, tonight when you are staring up at the bombastic bursts of fiery display, don’t reflect on the history of this country: the struggles it has been through, and the ones it continues to go through. Don’t think of the 160,000 troops in Iraq right now, wondering what the hell they’re doing. Don’t let your mind wander to the graves of the 3,583 people whose lives were taken —no one gives their life—in the name of something we as a country still can’t pull ourselves away from NBC’s Thursday night lineup long enough to define.
I know I don’t have to worry about your mind being confronted with the 66,807 or more Iraqis whose fireworks were all too real—in fact, the last sound they heard was just one big firework. Think about that tonight each time there’s a loud “boom” ringing out overhead. Using Boston as an average, “each “boom represents more than 6 deaths.
Don’t think about the poor in our country—life is too good for you to be brought down by the suffering of others. Don’t worry about your own financial enslavement—you had to have that Prius, it’s just soo cute. Mmm, Prius, earth. Please, please don’t think about that.
Some day I hope we’ll wake up and decide it’s time for another Independence day. An Independence from a system of government that excludes people from participating by allowing only those that can raise millions of dollars to play. The rest of us are too busy trying to figure out how we’re going to pay our ever-increasing health care costs to go out and raise the $32 million Obama raised in the last 3 months.
I could go on: racism, sexism, the direction of the supreme court, political insiders getting let off the hook for lying, while another american’s plea to appeal a 15-to-life sentence was denied because it was filed three days late
No worries, though. We’ve secured true symbol of a free and independent nation—a hot dog eating title. Thanks Joe.